10 Excuses

So, I haven't really updated this thing in a while. Please see following list of excuses:

1. Been on the run, framed by rogue cops for crime I did not commit. Now roaming badlands.
   
2. Not actually been having a life, discarded PhD idea and just generally mooching around aimlessly.
3. Started new job, met many interesting new people while harvesting their organs. It's a living. Not for the victims, obviously, but what must be must be.
4. Amnesia. I had amnesia. That's the reason.
   
5. Fine, I just got drunk and woke up naked in a men's bathhouse. Like that's never happened to you.
   
6. When life consists only of glamorous parties and snorting naked hookers off cocaine off more naked hookers, what is there to write about?
7. I declared myself legally dead for tax purposes. Dead men don't talk. And only occasionally do they blog.
8. In a fit of pedantry, I stopped blogging to protest its use as a verb.
   
9. Spent time contemplating big philosophical issues of the day. For example, if snake, alligator, dolphin and baby all taste like chicken, then what does chicken actually taste like? Preliminary research says: cheese.
   
10. Forgot I had a blog at all. Actually, I have three. One where I post my poetry and talk about how everyone is mean to me, one where I post my naked pictures photoshopped to make me look like ALF and of course, the one where I link to the other two.Actually, all of this is lying. I only have one. Coming soon: naked ALF poetry.
    

Anyway. Been back for four months and am living and working in Sydney. Gave up on the PhD once I realised it was just me being lazy again. Glorifed English teaching and responsibility avoidance and more of the mind-numbing same old stuff I've been doing for the past three years. Only with more academic wankery. All of these are good, but I need something challenging that will get me the hell out of Australia.
So, as of this week, my applications to university are in. Today, in a bold stroke of nepotistic opportunism, I had coffee with the dean of the faculty I'm hoping to enter.
That's right, I'm not telling. I'm secretive and moody and stand under streetlights to make my cheekbones look cool. I may turn my collar up if provoked.
Oh, yeah.
So, the reason I haven't been posting is that frankly, life has been pretty fucking boring and hopeless. I realise that never stopped me before, but I just couldn't be fucking bothered, that's all. If that's a problem, let's rumble. I'll be updating plenty, from now. Possibly even too much.